Thursday, May 5, 2011

Expecting Not to Expect

…After a traumatic experience

After one year of breastfeeding , my period menstrual period came two months ago. I was waiting for my second cycle last month but it never came. I’ve been delayed for 10 days now, and I’m seriously starting to worry. What could’ve possibly gone wrong? I counted the days with my OB-GYNE and she said that I was safe. We were careful.
I am having mixed feelings about being pregnant again. I’m sure most trying-to-conceive couples would have a violent reaction to this.  If ever I’m pregnant, would the fetus feel a sense of rejection? I can’t help but feel guilty. Besides, our eldest is just 2 years old, and our daughter just turned 1. We feel that we have not spent enough time with them.
Deep in our hearts, my husband and I know that we are so not prepared to have another baby, yet. After all the trauma, after all the financial difficulties…
 Our first child had neonatal sepsis because my bag of water broke early. I was in labor for 24 hours before he came out via NSVD. Being in labor with a fever is a nightmare.  Doctors at Capitol Medical Center were already endorsing me for emergency cesarian section when my OB came. The residents couldn’t do anything but obey when she said, “There will be no CS. I told my patient she can do this. Kaya niya yan ang laking babae niyan eh, marunong naman mag-push gusto ninyo mag- CS? Eh kung i-CS ko kayong lahat?”
My second child is another story. She is the real reason behind my fear of being pregnant, again. She was also born via NSVD with perfect APGAR score…everything was perfect. She had fair skin, lots and lots of hair, red lips, and yes, dimples, too (just like her kuya). She was beautiful. It’s a good thing that  I had a good OB. She delivered my child via NSVD (again) though my child had her umbilical cord coiled around her neck. Only a top calibre OB can do that. I was under general anesthesia the whole time though it was a normal delivery. She said it was to slow down the birth process. I labored 6 painful hours for her but I was not awake when she came out.
Who would’ve thought that after 2 weeks she will be diagnosed with congenital heart disease known as TGA (transposition of great arteries). It was a life threatening disease that was common in boys. Her pedia-cardio said she needed ASO (arterial switch operation) asap, or else…
My husband and I rushed her to the Philippine Heart Center at once. We had no money and even if we had I’m sure it will not be enough to finance her operation, the doctors’ professional fees and other hospital expenses. We were blessed with kind relatives and friends because they were there for us when we needed them. They brought money, food, blankets and they even donated blood. They even had maternity napkins for me.  I am just an honourable housewife, I have nothing to give. My episiotomy wound was still fresh at that time so I was sore all over. Imagine what I had to go through while waiting for my child to come out of the operating room. I had to sleep on cold corridor floors. I was crying for 1 week straight because I could not fathom what I am experiencing. I was suffering from emotional and physical stress. I could not bear to look at my daughter, with her wounds and tubings. She had at least 7 holes in her body for her tubings, plus her chest wound.  It was not a pretty sight I wouldn’t wish it on my daughter’s frail body.
We nearly lost our daughter because of that operation. She coded and her heart stopped for a few seconds. She had a bleeding complication. It was such a traumatic experience. No parent would want to talk to a shaking (it was more like trembling) doctor right after child’s operation only to hear “We’re doing the best we can.”
It’s a good thing God listened to our prayers. My daughter made it through. We made it through. We made it through Ondoy( I was pregnant with her when it happened and I had to climb the roof, I had to walk more than 2 kms  just to get to a freaking evacuation center because no one wanted to rescue us, I had to wade in waist-deep water and yes I slipped several times. I had abdominal cramps and nearly lost her), we made it through her coiled cord and, we made it through her heart surgery.
We spent nearly 1 million pesos for her operation and we’re still paying for it now, still a long way to go.

So forgive me for being happy when I got this result in my pregnancy test:

God is good. I think this is His way of letting me spend more time with my gremlins.
 I'm just wondering...when will I have my monthly period again?
My little bundles of joy.


  1. aww!so cutie kids!ur daughter is lovely:) i got teary eyed with ur post,honestly..i salute you for being strong..regarding ur period..dnt wait 4 it, it will come:) i've been delayed 4 almost 2mos aftr a yr of breastfeeding at mas npraning aq dun!i already have 3 kids:)

  2. thanks. she looks like my MIL. thank you for reading my post im sure if I tell you the whole story mas iiyak ka. hmmm i just had an idea why not write about that. di na ko masyado praning knowing you had to wait for 2 months.

  3. Whoa. You sure went through A LOT for your daughter. Such a strong woman. God bless you and your family more sis! =)

  4. Ang cute ng babies mo! ^_^
    Naiiyak ako sa post mo sis. You've been through a lot talaga pero.. yan ang power ng prayer. God is good talaga. God bless you and your family. =)

  5. Sis, i can truly relate with your experience. Not with the delaying period, but what you had to go through in Heart Center. My baby was also confined in the NICU when she was 2 mos. old though she didn't have an operation. So I know what you were talking about when you said 'sleeping in cold floors' and 'crying everyday'. And yes, I know about the trauma too.

  6. Hi sis! Never underestimate your strength. God bless you and your family!

  7. very touching story...God realy provides!

  8. hi sis,very heart-warming story.i salute you for being strong despite the experience.looking at your lovely little girl, there's no trace of what she's been through.she's a picture now of a very happy and healthy baby.God bless you and your family! :)

  9. sis I admire your courage! I thought we've been through a lot na with our daughter pero there's you who went through all of that and still made it. ;) Keep the faith sis! God won't give you what you can't bear :)

  10. ako man until now naiiyak pa din ako pag naaalala ko. it's as if kahapon lang nangyari lahat. sabi nga ng doctors para sa akin talaga yung baby kasi gusto niya mabuhay. if there's one thing na namana niya sa akin, i think it's her will to live. pareho kaming fighter. thanks mga sis

  11. nakakaiyak yung story mo sis but I'm glad everything worked out fine. God is really good and hindi kayo napabayaan. Cuties nga ng mga babies mo.

  12. Ang cute ng kids mo :) I didn't know that you had to get through all of this. It's been such a long time already. It's a good thing we have our blogs to keep us updated on one another. Ang galing mo Jeanne! Ako din. Takot ako maging pregnant uli kaya rhythm plus pills ang gamit namin (sama na ang withdrawal). Take care always!

  13. @chew on this: mare God is God. He makes all things possible. oo nga it's been a long time. get together naman tayo minsan. kwentuhan tayo.

  14. God is good! I admire you for your courage :)